im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
