Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize