I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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