I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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