I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
