Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
