Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize