So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
