i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
