He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
