I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
vagina is talking i cant
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
