oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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