I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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