I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
