1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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