I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
