one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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