I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Mom said you looked used
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize