can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
