I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
