Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
