I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
