Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
