Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
