i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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