my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
