Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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