Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
