the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
