Don't make out with my wife yet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
