If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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