Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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