it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
