We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
