Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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