In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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