I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
