so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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