She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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