In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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