when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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