You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
