I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
