The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
