is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
