it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
