My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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