One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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