did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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