I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
