why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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