3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize