Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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