We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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