I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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