kristin has been a bad kristin
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
