it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
