I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
