I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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