THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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