All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
