ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
