Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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