i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Alive.
So much puke
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
