ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
