Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
