my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
