if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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