Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
