I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
