enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
