but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
