You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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