I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
