A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
