arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
