I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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