Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
