On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize