Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize