We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
