Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
