i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We have so much sex to catch up on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
