THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize