god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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