can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
