Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
