Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
