I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
