...so i touched it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
