I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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