i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize