awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
