p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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