I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
