Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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