so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
