Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
