yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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