I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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