Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
