I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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