There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
