Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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