I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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